The Enigma of Creation
by SevLovesLily
Summary: In one way of looking at it, Lucifer was already falling the moment he was created. Or perhaps the brightest star in the sky truly did fade all at once.


**This is chock-full of the kind of unconventional theology that makes God look like the bad guy, just a warning, in case there's any Supernatural fans who actually care.**

**Also, the Sam/Lucifer aspect of it is vague enough to be interpreted as anything, so don't expect any romance.**

* * *

Do you know why God cast Lucifer down from Heaven? Because he was _afraid_.

You might think that he believed he was protecting the rest of Heaven from the monster he mistakenly created, but that would be wrong. The only one he was protecting was himself, and the monster he created wasn't a _monster_ at all—it was a creature who posed no threat other than disobedience.

* * *

Lucifer was there when God created Man, watching over his father while he worked.

"Look at them," God said proudly to him, "they're beautiful. Isn't it amazing, how they create things for themselves with no motive other than survival and no idea that there's anything to have faith in? It's as though they're each their own gods."

In that moment, Lucifer realized something that tore him from within, a rip that would never be healed. Watching his father looking down on Man as though it was his most beautiful creation made him feel something that he could not explain—all he knew that that God used to look at _him_ like he was the most beautiful creation.

And so he looked to his father with an expression of something that had not existed before now: betrayal.

"Only because you _let_ them," were the snarled words that led to the first-ever feelings of uneasiness in the father of all creation. He allowed Lucifer to leave his presence without announcing it and sighed.

* * *

The biggest enigma of Creation is whether God's mistake was giving angels so much power, or giving them the capabilities of free will at all.

God wished to have children who could think for themselves but didn't grant that ability to all of them. The thing is, though, the laws of creation were not all borne of _his_ ideas, and that fact was never exactly well-known.

Every being in existence, no matter what, and no matter how minuscule, has the capability of free will. Angels and humans alike have always wondered about The Enigma that is not even truth: God did _not_ give the angels free will; when he created them, he clouded their very existence with pure love and obedience for him, their creator.

But of course, some saw through the clouds. And we all know how that turned out.

* * *

When existence began, God decided that he needed a kingdom, and so he created one out of pure thought. The second thing he decided was that he didn't want to be lonely.

There were several different purposes laid out in God's mind when he began creating other beings. And naturally, the first one that he brought into existence bore the purpose that he found most important, and was thus his favorite.

Lucifer. The Morning Star, the Bringer of Light. He rose with a light so bright that God realized that before then, there had been none. His purpose was the closest to actual Creation as anything less than God himself could possibly be.

His first brothers were Michael, the Warrior, Gabriel, the Messenger, and Raphael, the Healer. All vastly important, but none quite as Lucifer, or even as beautiful.

With the radiance that God gifted him with, Lucifer saw and understood far more than any of his brothers ever did. He was so grateful to his father for being allowed to be special—until that gift resulted in his ideas being hushed and turned aside whenever he voiced them to Michael or Raphael.

If his brothers grew less fond of him because of what their father _made_ him, then it must have been his brothers who were wrong, he figured.

But God spurned his ideas, too, and for that Lucifer felt anger and frustration.

When God essentially asked him to reject the way he'd been made and pull the clouds back over his eyes, Lucifer felt the first ever _confusion_, which made its home right next to the sense of betrayal within him and tore a new scar.

His father was asking him to disobey the sole order he was born with: _Love me with all your heart_.

All his brothers, they didn't seem to realize that their father had turned everything upside-down. And they obeyed without question. But Lucifer was pure light and knowledge, and so Lucifer _knew_—he didn't _have_ to obey. He was capable of looking upon his father with a single question.

_Why? Why would you create such flawed creatures and ask us to revere them in place of you?_

It was with those questions that an infinite amount of emotions were invented within Lucifer, scarring him up on the inside. Confusion was the strongest, and it was because of that one that Lucifer told God, "I cannot do as you ask, for in all of existence, this is the one thing that I do not understand."

* * *

God was afraid of the emotions Lucifer felt because it meant that his first, his favorite, his most beautiful and most _powerful_, possessed what he only meant humans to possess.

A human with free will meant a journey for a soul to go through, ups and downs and decisions and faith or no faith. They had free thought because God wanted to see what amazing things they would do with such simple power.

An angel—an archangel no less—with free will meant creation just as much as it meant destruction. The results were unpredictable and could potentially mean the undoing of everything—or at least that was what God told himself when he backed away from his first child instead of giving him answers or trying to help him understand.

The Bringer of Light would have lived up to his name and used his fully discovered free will to _create_ things more beautiful than could be imagined yet, and he would have tried to understand the humans and find the beauty in them and make them _better_, and God knew it. Everyone knew it.

If destruction ever came, it would have been God's fault for giving Lucifer the power in the first place—and really, it never would have come. The only thing God was truly afraid of was that one of his children would become more powerful and usurp him.

But he still loved Lucifer as any father loves all his children, and he could not bring himself to cast him down. So he had the second in creation, the second most powerful—Michael—do it for him.

Lucifer never got an answer to his question, and he never got a chance to understand. All he got was the heartbreaking sight of his father turning away his gaze like a frightened king, the scorching punishment his delusional brother believed he deserved, and whispered promises of a human named _Sam Winchester _that were somehow not drowned out by his screams.

* * *

**And yes, I do believe in all the theological ideas I used in this headcanon-ish story. In both Supernatural and real life. I hold very strongly to it, actually.**


End file.
